I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
