have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Houston, we have a squirter
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
