Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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