then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
