We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
