He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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