in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
