i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
