Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
