Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
