It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Be still, my beating vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
