there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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