If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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