hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
