i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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