i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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