Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
