my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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