dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
