i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
