Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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