Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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