not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
