i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
