make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
