i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
