that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
