Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
