Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
