keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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