So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Acid is not a monday night drug
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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