I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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