I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
