I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
