Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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