I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
