I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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