Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize