My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
