Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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