then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
