If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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