White coat. Heels.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
