God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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