the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
