She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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