the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
