I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We have started to decorate penises.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
