There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
