Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
