i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
