is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
