After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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