Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
false alarm. still invincible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
